Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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