I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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