I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
