Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
