she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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