just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
