i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
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I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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