I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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