I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
