see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
