I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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