My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
