I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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