I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
