Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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