I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
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