the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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