you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
