I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you had me at cake vodka
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
