They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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