I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
