really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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