went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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