im about as happy as oj after his trial
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
