if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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