there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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