How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
