I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
