how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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