i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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