Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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