How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
