Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This baby is an asshole
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
