You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
