Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
