the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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