How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.