in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
