I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
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Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.