Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
