shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
