Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
