Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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