I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
