I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
