508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just puked most of my soul out..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
