I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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