The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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