So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
