just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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