I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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