The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i will never coherently bang her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
