my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
