never play flip cup with pint glasses
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
this hospital has no fireball
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
