You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
