I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
