Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize